Best man, maid of honor, parents, toast, notes, timing

How to write a wedding speech

Write a wedding speech about the couple: one clean story, the love you have watched grow, a raised glass for the guests. Your role decides which story is yours to tell, so pick it before the jokes.

Whose seat are you speaking from?

Still drafting? This link opens Confidently's listing for iPhone or Android, an app that grades a short spoken take on how you sound and look.
  • Focus on the couple
  • Keep it G-rated
  • Print your notes
  • Practice out loud

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The Structure (2 to 4 Minutes)

Pick your seat, add both first names and fill the cards one after another; the checks update as you type. Then rehearse the speech itself, which is what AmberWillo's wedding nerves guide recommends.

Your seat at the wedding
The couple
The Intro (15 to 30 seconds)

Say your name and how you know the couple in one sentence.

The Heart (1 to 2 minutes)

One story that shows who your friend is. Clean enough for a grandmother to hear.

The Connection (30 to 60 seconds)

What changed in your friend after they met their partner?

The Toast (15 seconds)

Wish them one thing, ask everyone to stand and raise a glass.

Words so far
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You
"I", "me" and "my": 0 times
The couple
Add both first names to count them.
Worth a second look
Nothing flagged yet.
0:00

Your draft stays in this browser; nothing you type is sent anywhere.

Golden Rules to Follow

  1. Focus on the couple

    Do this
    Watch the count of "I" against their names. If I wins, give a sentence back to them.
    Why
    In a 2018 study in Psychological Science, people who wrote thank-you letters underestimated how surprised and pleased the readers would be, and expected more awkwardness than there was. Say the warm sentence plainly.

  2. Keep it G-rated

    Do this
    No exes, no inside jokes and no story you would not tell in front of a grandparent.
    Why
    Both families are listening, and a joke that needs a backstory leaves most tables out.

  3. Wait on the drinks

    Do this
    Drink water until your speech is done.
    Why
    MedlinePlus explains that alcohol slows brain activity and can cause problems with memory, thinking clearly and coordination.

  4. Print your notes

    Do this
    Print it in large type on plain paper; the button above does that.
    Why
    Paper never dims, locks or lights up with a message.

  5. Practice out loud

    Do this
    Read the full draft standing up, with the timer running.
    Why
    A 2010 study in the Journal of Experimental Psychology: Learning, Memory, and Cognition found that saying words aloud while studying them, instead of reading silently, helps you remember them: the production effect.

Still unsure how it comes across? Let a phone app grade half a minute of your delivery.

What to say for your role

A wedding speech is a short toast that honors the couple, thanks the people around them and ends with a raised glass. AmberWillo's overview of speech types files toasts and wedding speeches under ceremonial speaking, next to roasts and tribute speeches.

Your story, by seat
RoleThe story you ownWho to thankLeave out
Best man or maid of honorA moment from your friendship that shows their characterThe hosts and the coupleBachelor or bachelorette party stories
ParentOne scene from growing upThe guests; if hosting, welcome them firstLong baby stories
SiblingSomething only a sibling knowsYour parents, and the new in-law for joiningOld fights and family secrets
Friend or coworkerThem at their best, at work or in your groupThe couple, for including youOffice gossip
The coupleThe moment you knew it was rightParents, wedding party, travelersA list of every vendor

Openings and closings

Three ways to start:

  1. Name plus relationship in one line: Hi, I'm Sam, and Jordan has been my road trip partner since we could drive.
  2. A one-line scene: The first time I met Alex, she was fixing my bike with a butter knife.
  3. A thank-you to the hosts: Before anything else, thank you to Maria and David for this beautiful day.

Two ways to hand the room a glass:

  • So please stand, raise your glass and join me: to Jordan and Alex.
  • Here's to a marriage as kind as the two people in it. To the couple!

AmberWillo's page on speeches notes that special occasion speeches, wedding toasts among them, often lean on personal anecdotes, humor and heartfelt messages.

When the nerves show up

Shaky hands before a toast are common. The same AmberWillo wedding guide adds two moves: remind yourself the guests came to celebrate love and happiness, and use deep belly breathing or box breathing while you wait.

If the dread is bigger than one toast, public speaking classes give you weeks of friendly listeners before the reception.

Practice it standing up

Hear your toast before the guests do

Read your toast once to a phone before you read it to a room. Confidently hands you two random words and half a minute, then rates your voice and face from one to ten and names the first thing to fix.

Open Confidently Free to start, on iPhone and Android

Then try strangers

Your best friend has heard the story. Strangers haven't. AmberWillo puts you in a small live video room where people you've never met hear you speak and the session ends with notes on how it went.

You plus up to fourteen others, from home, free to start.

Speeches beyond the toast

A toast this month and a class talk next month? Borrow a starting point from these informative speech ideas, sorted by who will be listening.

A toast asks the room for nothing but a raised glass; when you do need people to agree with you, start from persuasive speech ideas built around a clear ask.

Reader questions

What is the best opening line for a wedding speech?

One that tells the room who you are to the couple in a single breath. "I'm Sam, Jordan's brother, and I have waited my whole life to say this" beats any borrowed quote.

How do I start my wedding speech?

Thank the hosts, say your name and how you know the couple, then go straight into your story.

What do you say in a speech at a wedding?

Four things, in this order: who you are (The Intro), one story about the person you know best (The Heart), how the two of them changed each other (The Connection) and a wish with a raised glass (The Toast).

How long should a wedding speech be?

Most guides aim for two to four minutes. People read at different speeds, so time your own draft with the builder and trim The Heart first if you run over.

Can I read my wedding speech from my phone?

You can, but paper is easier to hold, read and glance up from, and it never lights up with a message mid-story.

What should you never say in a wedding speech?

Anything about exes, inside jokes, money or a past breakup.

Sources

  1. AmberWillo. How to Manage Social Anxiety at Weddings: A Complete Guide.
  2. Undervaluing Gratitude: Expressers Misunderstand the Consequences of Showing Appreciation. Psychological Science, 2018. PMID 29949445.
  3. The production effect: delineation of a phenomenon. Journal of Experimental Psychology: Learning, Memory, and Cognition, 2010. PMID 20438265.
  4. MedlinePlus, National Library of Medicine. Alcohol.
  5. AmberWillo. Public Speaking Speeches: Examples and Ideas for Your Next Speech.
  6. AmberWillo. Types of Speeches in Public Speaking: A Complete Guide.

All sources checked .